She inquired about vanity. When do we cross the line? What does vanity look like? Vanity is something that we must constantly be aware of. It is a big no-no. While we believe in modesty, taking care of ourselves, looking nice and presentable, we can't cross the line of vanity. So please read! May it bless you :)
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Her E-Mail
I want to start off by saying that ever since I received the holy ghost November of 2010 the Lord has been working in my life in every single aspect. My identity, clothing, relationships, finances and YES my hair! After learning that my hair is my glory I began looking into how to care for it. My hair has repaired from quite a bit of damage and has grown out quite a bit. My styles include : roller sets, braidouts and mostly buns for the winter. On one occasion I decided to do a roller set with tighter curls than usual. One of my church sisters commented that “it looked nice but it must have took a long time to do”. I replied that “roller sets are the main way I take care of my hair because it doesn’t require lots of heat”. On another occasion we were having a discussion about knowing if our self-esteem is good or bad…like low self esteem and pride. She made a comment stating that “because she has high self confidence she can step out the door with her hair looking any ol way because she is secure in herself.”
Overall, the feeling I am getting is that in her opinion, the things I am doing to my hair are vain.
Now my motivation is not to have others recognize me for my appearance. I am not one of those competitive types of women. And I would be a fool to think that I could adorn myself in anything other than humility, holiness and modesty. I just want to be an example that a woman can have uncut healthy, beautiful hair and also be fashionable and still dress modestly. I am usually plain,no makeup/nails/ jewelry, covered up chest and long dresses/skirts. My hair is never extravagant, colored, weaved, gelled or anything. Maybe ppl that have been taught more traditional teachings have a hard time seeing my point of view. I feel that if I represent God, I should hold the value of modesty/holiness and take care of what he has given me. There was even this one time that a sister from my church that stopped coming was doing my hair and she said “Wow, my hair would have been as long as yours if I didn’t cut mines, but I just couldn’t take all those dead ends!” I immediately sensed her regret for cutting it. Now if we as holy women do not care for our hair properly…you know the first thing outsiders are going to say! “Your hair is damaged therefore you need a trim” “Or put on a weave or wig to help it grow back” SO NOT TRUE!!! I just don’t understand the way some women of God think. Yes appearances are not everything but ppl watch us! We are the living epistles known and read of all men. If what we put out there is undesirable then it will reflect Christ. I believe he is definitely the original and ultimate “fashion designer” or “hair dresser”. Look at all the wonderful colors and nature he created so beautifully!
Omg excuse me I am SO ranting to you right now but…
Thank you for your fashion and hair blog because you wear your clothes brightly and wonderfully and are modest and respectful. Same goes for your hair!
Anyway my question to you is: Where do we draw the line between healthy hair care/appearances and vanity? What does vanity look like?
Any response you give is fine. Thank you for reading in advance. Feel free to throw scriptures @ me. And plz don't sugercoat anything!
My Response
First of all, HI!! Thank you for checking out my blog and feeling comfortable enough to send me an email. I am very impressed with your idea that we need to care about how we look. This is indeed true but a lot of times, women mistake holy with homely and raggedy. They get so convicted about spending time on themselves to look nice. They feel like it is too much. So let me commend you because what you expressed, “I just want to be an example that a woman can have uncut healthy, beautiful hair and also be fashionable and still dress modestly” is right. My Pastors wife always talks to our ladies about this. Fix yourself up, buy nice clothes, do your hair, exercise, those sorts of things. Never to the extent that it consumes your time, but to where you look presentable and nice. For example, if you look at Pentecostal women 70+ years ago, they were modest, but fashionable. They wore nicely fitted dresses, cute shoes, petticoats, hats, scarves, etc.
Now, when do you draw the line?? When it consumes you! It is just like anything else. If all you can think about is hair, if all you can think about is styling it, etc, it is consuming you! This is why it is important for us to stay prayerful in our daily lives. If something is off, we will feel a check in the Holy Ghost. God will deal with us because we have the Holy Ghost. Keep in mind that, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1). If we are walking after the spirit, we won’t even mind the things of the flesh.
What does vanity look like? When you go against it when God convicts you not to wear something, not to spend so much time on your hair, etc- it is all in vain. You are no longer doing it to be a witness and pleasing to the Lord. It is all in vain if it’s not done to please the Lord. God won’t even hear it. He disregards vanity! In all we do, we want to bring the Lord glory. We do not want to bring his glory to shame.
“Surely God will not hear vanity, neither will the Almighty regard it” (Job 35:13)
“O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? How long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah.” (Psalm 4:2)
So the bottom line is to do all things in moderation! Let me leave you with this verse to encourage you.
“Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” (Philippians 4:5-9)
If your mind is upon the Lord, you will have peace. So keep up the beautiful work. Modesty is beautiful and it should affect the environment you walk into. People should say, “Wow, _____ is always so put together. She never does too much. She is a LADY.”
I hope this helps! Please feel free to email me whenever you are in need. God bless you sis!
With love and prayer,
Kendra